The Dueling Activists

To the small and passionate community deeply affected by the issue of gay immigration, the gay marriage activists have not always been their BFFs. The two sides hold very different views. For the former, most don't care what the government calls their relationship as long as federal rights are granted to them. In fact, the Uniting American Families Act was painstakingly crafted to avoid any mention of marriage, so as not to offend the religious right. And it's not asking much either, just one right out of the 1000+ will do.

For the latter, they will not settle for anything less than marriage, even if it's in name only. In the early days of the gay marriage fight, there were few mentions of rights or benefits that come with marriage, the obvious reason being that the other side could easily push back by offering domestic partnership or civil unions which would afford the same rights. Many moderates do use this argument against the gay marriage push: we will give you all the rights enjoyed by married couples, why can't you just take them and leave? So the belief is that talks of rights or benefits would only hurt the gay marriage agenda.

So the fact that the "call-us-anything-you-want-as-long-as-you-give-us-the-rights" group and the "I-don't-want-your-damn-rights-if-it's-not-called-marriage" group do not always see eye-to-eye shouldn't come as a surprise.

I'd argue that it's time the two sides lay down their difference and work towards a common goal: Full rights and full recognition, in locking steps. The two goals can be achieved in parallel, but we should be flexible and achieve as much as the current political climate would allow. If we can grant a gay couple living in Alabama federal rights NOW, let's not ask them to wait until gay marriage is available in their state in 2020. If Maine is ready for gay marriage today, let's not ask them to wait because the religious right might use this as an excuse to erect a gay marriage ban in Indiana.

The Partial DOMA Repeal would be a perfect example of how the two sides can work together. For the "Rights" group, let's be bold and ask for not just one, but all the federal rights we're entitled to. And let's not forget a partial DOMA repeal would not have been possible had it not been the recent victories in Iowa and Vermont. For the "Recognition" group, yes, the momentum is on our side, but let's not forget there are states that are still years away from allowing gay marriage, gay couples living in these states need legal protection NOW.

We will not reach the finish line if we keep pushing and shoving each other along the way.